Please Execute My Dumb-Ass Sister

Enough family friendly shit. Plasma Lamp is going natural even if my family does read it.

I suck at math. Well, that's not entirely true; I'm good with it, but only to the extent that intuition provides enough accuracy. Everything is a fraction, even if it's x/1. My weakness is that my brand of mathematical skills just doesn't work when I'm often down to three digits to the right of the decimal point.

I believe high school did some semi-permanent damage in my case. While I was burning through Trigonometry in my Electronics courses in my Freshman year (without knowing what it was), my all-out math courses ended with Geometry. While I could get into the repetitive dartboard approach of the curriculum (80 show-your-work problems a day and pundits still ponder motives behind school shootings) or the fact that my Geometry teacher (yes, I mean you, wet-nurse Douchebag Randy) made the subject about as engaging as explosive diarrhea, suffice it to say I never did retain what little I learned in that class and was thoroughly and truly lost when the second half of the class was taught by a far better teacher (Yes, I mean you, Keith).

What I did remember was the title of this post. Granted, you're not going to find that form of the mnemonic in any textbook I haven't written (x=0), but I needed something less lame than "Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally" and came up with that one ten years before I learned I did, in fact, have a sister. Sorry, Sasha.

I'm still keeping it.

While I could do just fine in my field of work without taking my math skills to the next level, I'm not happy with that. I need to be dead-certain about the method to any kind of organized mayhem I'm exposed to on a regular basis or it eats away at me and I was recently burned by that exact thing last week so screw it, it's time.

Have I mentioned it irritates the shitjuice out of me that Douchebag Randy and my very awesome father-in-law share the same first name? No? Well it does.

I'm sure I'm being a little bit harsh, but half my thus-far lifetime later I've yet to meet a douchebag of similar calibre.

If I ever have to do a proof by hand, it'll be because there's a gun to my head. I've got computers to do that shit for me. While I can full understand long-division, being able to do a proof by hand is like being that flamboyant and dead-by-a-25-cent-bullet sword guy in Raiders of the Lost Ark.